by Justin Case
Congressman Edward Mezvinsky announced that he will be running for Chairmen of the Iowa Democratic Party. Mezvinsky was a financial genius, who raised millions of dollars for his business clients. His son Marc has followed in his footsteps and has the same investing prowess as his father. Edward represented Iowa’s 1st congressional district during the 1970s. The former congressman grew up in Ames, IA where he was a state champion in both football and track. He went on to study political science at the University of Iowa. During Mezvinsky’s first term in congress, he sat on the judiciary committee and voted to impeach former president Richard Nixon.
PVI sat down with the former congressman and asked him why he thought now was the right time to get back into politics. He said that he felt the Iowa Democratic Party could use someone with his fundraising ability and leadership skills. He spoke of his proven track record of business success. He spoke of his business contacts in Nigeria and his ability to use the internet and social media to raise money. Mezvinsky stated that his relationship with Bill Clinton has taught him how to ethically conduct himself at all times.
PVI asked Mezvinsky how he planned to raise money. He stated that he knows many Nigerian Princes who have fortunes tied up in the myriad numbers of rules regarding the transfer of international money. For a small donation of $500, Iowa Democrats will be able to access the millions of dollars Nigerian princes are willing to share with those who help them access their money. He calls this idea, 419 Points of Light Plan. Congressman Mezvinsky feels that there isn’t enough money in politics and that we must raise all that we can in order to bring the IDP back in line with DNC ideals. He also plans to make Amway the official sponsor of the IDP.
PVI asked Edward what he would do to create unity in an extremely fractured party. He answered that the problem is that Democrats are moving too far to the left. The country wants corporate Republican-lights to lead the way. He stated that his time as the state party chair of Pennsylvania proves he is uniquely qualified to be IDP Chair. Throughout his career, he’s been a beacon of integrity. In 1988, Mezvinsky won the nomination to challenge Ed Preate for Attorney General and centered a large part of his campaign on ethics. “I’m sick and tired,” he said, “of public officials abusing the public trust. We’re going to have to restore the integrity of our government that was envisioned when they decided to make this office independent.”
PVI asked the former congressman what his plan is to empower the local county parties. He responded that he would train them in the art of fundraising from wealthy donors. He would show them the ropes to secure funding using all the ethical practices he had used during his career as a consumer advocate. Republican lies have always dogged Mezvinsky. He said, “I have always held myself to extreme ethical standards, so much so that I asked President Bill Clinton to pardon me to ward off the Republican attacks.”
PVI asked Edward what he would do to bridge the extreme urban-rural divide that has taken place in Iowa. He responded by saying that he has spent a great deal of time in Florida, living with a very diverse group of people. He said that this experience allowed him to meet people from very different backgrounds. Edward said that his fundraising and experience at a camp in Florida, make him the best candidate for IDP Chair. He worries that he might split the vote with some of the other candidates but feels when people listen to him speak, they will see where he is coming from. He said that SCC members should expect to hear from him in over the next few days.
Disclaimer: If you believe this to be anything other than satire, you probably went to Trump University.